Ok here’s some news you haven’t heard before : Facebook is the epicenter of almost everyone’s lives today. At any given time 1.038 billion of us are using Facebook ! Let’s face of it majority of us won’t consider our day as officially underway unless we have logged onto Facebook and gone over our news feed with a magnifying glass 🔎.
There’s no denying it Facebook has a plethora of advantages for its users . It’s a way to connect with loved 💞ones, to share fun ✨memories , get interesting information🤓, have a laugh😅 , learn something 🤔new , get your daily news , catch up on gossip🤐 , stalk👀 your ex, stalk👁 a friend/ enemy you secretly admire 💙 but outwardly hate 💚and the list goes on…
But as with all things good. People tend abuse and overuse Facebook to the point that it becomes quiet frankly an annoying pain in the a** to everyone on their friends list.
Disclaimer: – This article is meant to amuse 😆, so if you are someone who is easily offended, instantly incensed, are looking for a reason to vent , or have no sense of humor😠 . Move on. 🏃🏾
Otherwise keep on reading because you are about to find out just what not to do on Facebook.😉
1- Dont be an obnoxious relationship flaunter,
I swear if I have to read yet another “#Best hubby ever ! So blessed to have you in my life! Xoxo!” status update I will end up in jail on account of attempted man slaughter.
For the last time ! No one wants to hear your sappy, over the top proclamations of undying love for your husband/boyfriend/ partner.
Instead of logging onto Facebook every time your heart starts overflowing with undeclared love. Do us all a favor, jolt your snoring love machine from his stupor, and enlighten him. I assure you, the 500+ people on your friends list will thank you for this small favor. 😒
2- Keep your food fetish in the kitchen where it belongs,
Unless you intend to send everyone one your list a food package this instant , or invite them all over for dinner, or you happen to be a food blogger . No one gives a shit about what you cooked today. So put down the camera and let us eat in peace you pyscho.
Still not convinced you have a compulsive obsessive food disorder? Mental health experts have linked taking/ sharing too many pictures of food to mental illness. Time to check into the looney bin pal.
3- The birthday, anniversary , childbirth ranter,
So it’s your spouse’s , boyfriend’s, children’s birthday, anniversary or their kindergarten graduation. That’s just fabulous, so unless your husband is a soldier deployed in Africa, or your first born is in boarding school in Alaska you can very well wish them in person.
And unless you intend to auction off that birthday cake and all of their/ your gifts, the used gift wrap and all the candles you own and lit just for taking those pictures. There is no need to broadcast them along with an over the top nauseating status update on Facebook , we really don’t care!
4- The accidental supermodel/ selfie queen👑
Ok here’s are the facts: You are no Kate moss or Gigi Hadid and the paparazzi won’t chase you if you paid them💰. So quit posting pics of yourself casually strolling along fully kitted up and act like someone just happened to snap a few hundred shots of you in monochrome no less and put them up as your profile pic .
Same goes for looking over the shoulder or staring out in the distance accidental on purpose selfies . We are sick of them, spare us, stop fishing for likes and get a life . Or hire a photographer and get over your self obsession once and for all.
5- The over zealous parent ,👶🏽
Yes we know your children are the center of your lives as they are for most parents . Let’s just keep it that way. No one but your family and closest, loyal and obligated friends will want to see and comment on endless pics of your little ones in their rompers, dresses, awake , asleep, on their own , being forced to pose next to stuffed toys, holiday props ,your sleeping husband … You get the idea.
6- The compliment inventor ,😳
So the supermarket, grocery store, gas station clerk couldn’t believe you hadn’t even graduated from first grade and you were the mother of two? Maybe you should stop shopping at stores that:
(A) don’t offer vision insurance to the staff- the guy has cataracts.
(B) don’t mind their staff coming in drunk to work or
(C) encourage the staff to lie through their teeth in order to get tips .
7- Thy mother is thy life,💖
We have no doubt that your mother is your backbone, your rock , your entire world. We are also 100% sure she would love it if you were to tell her all this in person or over the phone instead of posting it on Facebook along with grainy pics from your unrecognizable past .
Happy Mother’s Day indeed 🎉.
8- The desperado,
yes you know who you are. The attention craving poster of statuses that range from “I’m so alone” , “my life is over”, “I’m pissed”, “feeling so sick🤒” , ” the best day ever!” and “Las Vegas here I come!”.
The fact is. Your cunningly crafted, narcissistic, sympathy seeking, envy invoking attempt is not only glaringly transparent. It is profoundly annoying to the vast majority of people on your list who have zero interest but will nevertheless be subjected to the rants of a raving lunatic.
9- The overly devoted, husband,💞
Re read no-1 on the list then come back here. This guy won’t be able to digest his meal unless he brags about it first on Facebook. “My darling wife made me a smashing meal today!” followed by several pictures of the aforementioned meal probably taken under duress.
Thanks a lot dude! As if the half a dozen pictures your wife posted minutes before, to convince us that your home is an underground 5 Michelin star 🌟Zagat rated restaurant we would never have known . Now why don’t you go wash the dishes and belch out Justin Bieber’s “baby” 🎼to your Martha Stewart while you are at it.
10- The rambling ranter 🗣,
This person has ranting down to a science, politics, sports , religion , social causes. Whatever the hot topic of the moment you can expect an endless stream of opinionated, obnoxious and awkward witticisms.
With an invitation to engage in a ferocious,often venomous discourse in an attempt to shove their righteous beliefs down everyone’s throats.
Hate to break it to you pal , but no one is going to experience an epiphany✨ just by reading your one of your posts.
There you have it people the top 10 things not to do 🚫on Facebook. What are some of your Facebook peeves😡 Let me know !
Until next time xoxo💋!