Tag Archives: relationships

Story Time With ShopaholicBlogs: Featuring Crappy 🎁 Gifts!

Hola Love Bunnies 🐰🎁💕!

Today on the blog its story time ! So get into your PJ’s , get comfy and hit that play button😘 because today we will talking all about the not so joyful experience of receiving totally terrible presents 🎁😖

As always your comments are always welcome so share your gift receiving stories with me right here 🎁! & don’t forget to share, follow and subscribe!

💔Shopaholic Rant: Unfriending people on Facebook 💔

💔Genuine relationships require a great deal of time, energy,commitment and emotional investment.

💔For this reason I have always been utterly bemused by the sheer no of friends people claim to have these days, esp since the widespread usage of social media. Almost every person’s profile I have clicked on in the last few months has a had friend count of over 500 😳.

💔With an average school having between 400-500 students thats like being friends with every single person in school !😱

💔 I mean even at weddings the maximum guests you have if you are Caucasian 👱🏼‍♀️is 50-250, or if you are brown 🙎🏻is between 200-400 and that includes the entire odd assortment of relatives and colleagues, friends of your parents, their extended families etc. So where exactly are these 500+ “friends” ? I’ve personally never seen anyone at one time hanging out with 500 close friends have you? I mean even in the cult favorite show “Friends” there were only 5.

💔Have we redefined friendship to include any person with a social media account to have free access to our personal life? Or has the numbers game taken over relationships as well in this day and age?

💔I personally find the idea of someone I barely know, have access to all my social media just plain odd and awkward. I’ll give you an example, recently  I stumbled upon a middle school classmate after almost 10+ years through a common friend. Even though we were never more than polite acquaintances back in school immediately she requested to befriend me on social media. Since she had already whipped her phone out and was looking at me expectantly, it seemed rude not to comply. A couple of weeks later however since I didn’t hear a single peep from her, I ceremoniously unfriended her off all my social media accounts. 😕.

💔Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a mean, hateful person ( well not all the time 😋) and I love the idea of making new friends. But here’s what I don’t get: befriending someone on social media only to ignore them in real life? Picture this I went to the movies 🎬with a “friend” and the entire time we were there she was busy liking pics on Instagram and commenting on Facebook. 😡 The whole point of going to the movies with friends is to laugh together and comment on the funny and interesting bits. I honestly was pissed off and left wondering why she had bothered to come at all.

💔Secondly why would you want divulge all your life details to someone you just met( let’s face facts people from what we are eating and drinking, to what we are wearing to who we are with and where we put in all on social media). 

💔Finally why would you want to have someone who you have zero interest in past the intial friend request, have all of their crap show up on your newsfeed? I mean it’s frustrating enough to have to deal with insufferable people in real life,  but to have them irritate you online as well? I’ve frankly got no tolerance for the selfie queens, attention seeking status posters, repeated game request senders,or people who just want to add and forget you…😒.

💔Why not just unfollow them you ask? Well I’ve done that but that still lets them look at my stuff whenever they choose to and I’m not in the habit of putting up a zillion different privacy settings everytime I post. Plus everytime I happen to look over my friends list and see a name that i haven’t had any sort of contact with in ages it makes me wonder what on earth are they still doing on my friends list?🤔

💔I mean the last time I checked Facebook wasn’t a dupe for the yellow pages 📒.

💔To be honest I feel much better after I spring cleaned my social media contact list. It may have dwindled my friend count but atleast the ones left are the ones that matter. How do you clean up your social media let me know here 😘

Until next time loves xoxo💋

Shopaholic Rant : Unexplained breakups

💔I hate breakups they are awkward, confrontational, emotional, inspire vengeful fantasies and end up leaving you scarred for life. 

💔That being said what I hate even more than regular breakups are the unwarranted, inexplicable, left in the dark, blind sided breakups that leave you gaping and open mouthed with a giant question ❓mark to haunt you till the day you die or as long as you are senile whichever is first.

💔I mean seriously what is up with that⁉️ There you are all cheerful and secure in what you imagine to be a forever after and more💞, only to find out one fine day that they want to have absolutley nothing to do with you. And I don’t just mean your significant other with whom you are secretly planning your fairytale nuptials, though I have to tell you that breakup hurts like a bitch. 

💔I am referring to breaking up with your best friend or a really good friend. Someone you have spent endless good times with, shared secrets and what not, crushed on guys together, had binge eating marathons, laughed till it hurt over something totally ridiculous, agonized over something as frivolous as a zit for ages, talked on the phone for hours after hanging out all day.

 💔All of a sudden you find out they are ignoring your calls, not responding to your texts, cancelling plans all without the bother of a simple why?

💔I mean if a guy were to do that you would automatically assume the jerk is cheating on you with someone else.  But what are you supposed to think when it’s your bff💞 whoes suddenly turned frigid❄️❓

💔I have been at the receiving end of the unexplained out of the blue, ice queen bitch attitude a few times and let me tell you it drives you insane❗️I mean if you can put all that time and energy into ignoring someone would it kill you to spare two mins to tell them why❓What’s up with leaving the other person hanging❓

💔My bff and I back in college were 💞inseparable, we would talk non stop when we were together on the phone afterwards, we would be over each other’s place constantly, planing surprise birthday parties for each other, we were the classic text book buddies. And then out of nowhere she stopped returning my calls and msgs. I even dropped by her place several times only to be told every single time she wasn’t home.  I was confused, hurt, clueless and angry to say the least I had no idea what I had done or said the last time we had been together and there was no one to offer any kind of explanations as to why❓I had to eventually give up, accept the fact that I had been unceremoniously and cruelly dumped, and to forever be haunted with the “why“permanently etched in my brain.

💔I can understand that people grow apart sometimes, their interests vary over time, transitioning from one phase of life to another can affect friendships. I’ve been there , my two best friends in grade school hit puberty way before me, so while I was still skipping rope during recess in my pigtails they were more interested in engaging in ogling matches with the guys. We all understood it was time to move on and we gracefully did, it was a clean break, the end of the chapter. 

💔That is an acceptable breakup, severing a relationship without an explanation or a goodbye is not. It is the cruel, cowardly way out, it says I don’t even respect you enough to tell you I’m leaving. I mean breaking up is bad enough when you are aware that things are not working out but this out of the blue, in your face out of nowhere abrupt end is the worst kind of breakup. You are left feeling rejected , devastated, berating yourself , looking desperately for closure. 

💔I mean we are all adults damn it act your bloody age! It wouldn’t kill you to call and let them know that things are not working out anymore. Or if you are too much of a coward, send it in a text or email. This is a person you poured your heart out to once, they at the very least deserve a heads up when you are about to bail on them for good.

💔It’s called being human people. I don’t claim to be perfect but I have always attempted to end relationships amicably granted I might have relied on the beaten to death “it’s not you its me” but atleast I made an effort to let them know it was over. I have the peace of mind of knowing  that if I ever run into them again I won’t be scrambling around for camouflage. I will be able to walk up to them or past them depends on how much they still hate me 😬.(Some people just love holding onto grudges😉).

💔 But I will atleast have given them and myself closure and the hope that neither of us would be haunted by the ghost of our past.

Know Thy Enemy : Everything you need to know about the Mother in law 😱

Disclaimer : This work is a piece of fiction meant to amuse and entertain. Any resemblance to any characters living or dead is purely a result of the reader’s over active imagination and should be disregarded immediately. Enjoy 😘

According to Wikipedia,💻
A Mother in law, is the mother of your spouse . 🙁 Apparently either the founder of Wikipedia is still single, married and forced to lie through his teeth under penalty of death or just plain naive.

Whatever the case ,this seemingly innocuous description utterly and miserably fails to encompass, the vast reality and entirety of this formidable, obnoxious , tyrannical , overbearing , cunning, self proclaimed expert matriarch😳.
Scared😰 yet? Hate to break it you but you will soon find yourself joining the ranks of the countless psychological and physically scarred victims of this narcissistic ,conniving foe.👀
Rest assured she will mark you as her opponent the moment you say the cherished “I do💞”.
But before you start adding unlimited sessions of psychotherapy to your trousseau wish list. Here are a few things that will prepare you for your unavoidable showdown once you set off on your journey of marital bliss 😒.
So put on your wifely armor, and prepare yourself for a lifelong battle🛡. In the words of Sun Tzu ” Know thy enemy”, even if these nuggets of information won’t help you win the war at least you will go down fighting ⚔ .


1- Get ready for a lifetime of being undermined and usurped ,

⚔From laundry, cooking , parenting heck even your clothes ( you dress like a tramp) and makeup ( you make Rupaul look like the girl next door💄).
⚔Be prepared to be criticized and belittled for every single one of your choices the exception being the prized catch that you happened to chance upon: “Her perfect one in a million offspring
✨👶🏽✨”
whose miraculous birth story you will be hearing till your ears bleed . And will never be able to upstage even if you give birth to quadruplets hanging upside down from a broken bridge suspended over snapping crocodiles 🐊. Slight exaggeration but you get the idea 💡.
⚔Of course you will be accused of not properly feeding, bathing, pampering the fully grown 6 foot 185 lb man child (What you thought we were discussing your offspring ?😒) she grudgingly (read hanging onto his pant legs yelling “don’t go! )handed over to you.
2-Anything you cook will be inspected , re seasoned, deemed unfit for human consumption, inevitably be thrown out and replaced by a flourish and to rousing applause 👏 by the two heterogametic specimens in the family. ( Read the docile father in law( who admitted defeat long ago and is probably just waiting for the angel of💀 death to put him out of his misery) and your doted upon naive ( read opportunistically passive /aggressive) spouse.
3– You will forever be playing runnerup 🎖 ( don’t count on Steve Harvey to come to the rescue here 👑).To :
A-The beacon of self proclaimed perfection 🏆in the one woman show of “me, myself and I” 😒. Aka Mother in law dearest.
B- To her female offsprings – namely your sister in laws ( the tyrannical lineage💀must continue )
C- To every single one of your spouse’s exes even if they happened to be ex convicts accused of manslaughter 🔪.
4-Get ready to have your personal space invaded in everyway possible,
From your kitchen cabinets , refrigerators, closet, to your lingerie drawer. (Read keep all things lacy and kinky under lock and key).🗝
⚔Nothing is off limits to this scourging hyena. In fact if in a skewed world, mother in laws would be computer savvy, she would have hacked into all your social media and bank accounts as well.

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5-Holding your tongue ,

will become second nature since you’ll be doing it everyday, 365 days a year for the rest of your life. This is especially true, if you happened to marry into a brown/Asian family.👩‍👩‍👦👨‍👨‍👦👩‍👩‍👧👨‍👩‍👧‍👦
📚Textbook strategies like spelling out your needs , setting out boundaries, voicing your opinions, working out conflicts like a mature adult, will result in bringing about a catastrophic disaster ( read Hindenburg).
And remember that charming, smooth talking hunk💪🏼 who conned you into a lifetime of marital torture. If you are counting on support from him forget it! 🚫When it comes to family drama this mama’s boy will simultaneously sprout the combined characteristics of the deaf, dumb and the mute.

6– So you thought failing as a housekeeper, wife and a human being was bad ?
Wait till you get slapped by the “incompetent mother ” tag. From giving birth to your bundle of joy( Only 12 hours?It took me a week to push your husband out sans epidural💉)!
⚔Everything from holding, feeding , putting the baby to sleep will be scrutinized , criticized and be accompanied by a never ending barrage of unsolicited advice. 🗣
Not to mention the fact that after 9 months and several hours of exhausting labor, the baby will be likened to everyone (from the preening matriarch herself to her second distant cousin twice removed) but you. 😳
7-A photographic memory is a must.

It will come in handy, at various social gatherings where you will be required to recall accurately , the names, glorified pasts, occupations and various ailments of the countless relatives you will be forced to meet and greet. (Don’t forget to ask Aunt S about her third husbands arthritis now😳).

8– Not a fan of daytime soaps ?
⚔Well it’s time to start binge watching now. Because pretty soon you will be encountering theatrics worthy of daytime Emmy nominations – no cable tv 📺required. From feigned heart attacks to sudden bouts of temporary amnesia , to melodramatic recounts of your many faults, to outright hissy fits and temper tantrums. The narcissistic matriarch will stop at nothing to gain her son’s attention and keep it.
9– Your parents vs his,

⚔what you thought only you had it bad? Rest assured your parents won’t be spared from this drama mama either. From why you won’t call his mother “mom” ( I have my own thank you very much, and the same question to him btw),to the no of times you visited your folks and vice versa, to the presents they gave ( nothing will ever be good enough👎🏼). To what you gave them ( A waste of her son’s hard earned money💸). Guess whose keeping score?🤔

10– Finally here’s something you don’t want to hear ,

⚔Every female posses the MIL gene. That’s right ladies we are all born with it. It’s right there innocent, benign just waiting for the moment that XY chromosome you birthed gets ready to be hitched. The next thing you know you will morph overnight into the cunning , controlling monster you once hated. 😖 Your best hope? Take an oath to be punched in the face the instant find yourself committing any of the ergeruious sins listed above.👊🏻

So there you have it loves, all you ever wanted to know about the age old formidable enemy. Hey it’s always good to be prepared even if you will be fighting a loosing battle 😉⚔. Wedding bells anyone?🔔
Until next time xoxo💋

 

Valentine’s Day in the 21st century – Celebration🎉Obligation💰 Elusion 👎🏼

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Every year come February , consumers are subjected to a barrage of Valentine’s Day 💖 related paraphernalia, courtesy of corporate America and their clever marketing schemes. Each one of them trying to outdo the other in a haste to seduce the unsuspecting , besotted consumer into the fabricated world of materialistic romance.
Love suddenly becomes the most sought after and easily available commodity . Ranging anywhere from $5 for cheap, easy love , to over the top, made to order, and priced at six figures.Love❤️ladies and gentlemen is in the air , packaged ,priced and ready to sell.
But how exactly did we get here, what makes Valentine’s Day one of the sought after holidays post xmas?

Even though most historical records credit Saint Valentine as being the brain child of Valentine’s Day . It was good old Chaucer who in the 14th century, officially associated romance with Valentine’s Day upon realizing that :
A)-365 days of reciting love sonnets was too much strain on his limited, medieval vocabulary,
B)-non stop courting by the moonlight was turning him into an insomniac and
C)-he was running out of items to barter in exchange for herbal viagra.

However up to the 18th century the most fervor displayed during Valentine’s Day was the exchange of handmade cards by a besotted few.
It wasn’t until the 21st century that corporations and the mass media realized the potential of commercial exploitation of old Chaucer’s decision . And Valentine’s Day evolved into the commercialized, laced with reciprocal intent, somewhat obligated transaction that we know and love today💘.
The typical Valentine’s Day consumer usually falls into one of the three categories :
1- The Celebrators,🎉
these starry eyed propagators of everlasting romance( usually comprising of newly weds still in the honeymoon phase, and those in the initial, heady throes of romance , oblivious to impending future disasters ) are ready and willing to scoop up all things pink and red and throbbing with passion 😳 in an attempt to woe their beloved.
From overpriced flowers , gourmet chocolates , edible undies and cheesy cards, to Kim Kardashian’s Valentine’s Day special butt and boob venom 😳. These smitten, swooning, over the nauseatingly cheery duo’s are ready to hop onto the love train with aplomb💘.

2- The obligated spenders,💸
This griping ,eye rolling, profoundly sighing group usually comprises of members of the heterogametic sex , who participate in the love fest out of :
A) sheer obligation to prove their undying love and loyalty for the umpteenth time,
B) An opportunity to score bonus points to be redeemed later on in the year – read forgotten birthdays , obscure anniversaries, wet towels on the bed etc..
And
C)mainly to avoid being in the dog house with their significant other- Read sleeping on the couch and no home runs.

3-The lonely haters club,👤
This group includes all the self deprecating, cynical, sulky, vindictive( read freshly dumped), self piteous single people.
These purveyors of anti romantic sentiments while harshly criticizing their happily cooing counterparts, are desperately seeking soul mates ( read -tinder, okcupid, zoosk).
Ready to shed their masks of emphatic hatred towards all things mushy and pink and join the ranks of the happily ever afters💞.

So that’s it for this Valentine’s Day roundup, let me know which category you happen to fall into this year✨

Until next time xoxo💋!

The sad state of society today – A shopaholic’s rant 😔

As I sit here posting this I am wracked by guilt having just witnessed a spectacle and acting as nothing more than a silent spectator.
I had stopped by the local grocery store to pick some staples and was waiting to pay when my attention and that of every other person there was diverted to a woman shouting obscenities at the one of the store’s staff members.
Apparently there had been a mixup with ringing up her order and the woman resorted to name calling, using incredibly abusive language at the poor guy who eventually stared shaking as he attempted to remedy the situation .
A fact that she seemed to relish and kept pointing out “why are you shaking ?” In addition to ” are you gay”? ” call your lesbian manager and let me deal with her.”

I was torn between wanting to go and confront her and wanting to keep out of it.
I kept looking around hoping that a few of the tall apparently strong male customers would intervene on behalf of the petrified staff member but to my disappointment everyone of them averted their gaze made their purchases and left.
As I left the store I was so angry I was shaking both the at ill treatment of the staff member and my own indecisiveness to intervene and speak up .

Why did i hesitate ? for that matter why did everyone else? What if we were in that position would we want someone to step in and come to our aid? What gives people the right to treat other human beings with so little respect? Does having money 💰dehumanize them? Take away their sense of morality? empathy?

If a person is unfortunate enough to be working for you does that mean they have no dignity , self respect?

I feel ashamed 😔 both at myself and at humanity if these are the values we intend to pass on to our children of oppressing those weaker than us and not being able to stand up when we witness injustice 😢😔

Memoirs of a Shopaholic – A daughter reminisces 💞

Ever since I was a teenager I was notoriously bad at crossing the street having invisible blinders strapped to either side of my face which enabled me to look straight ahead not on either side and therefore step brazenly albeit dreamily right into incoming traffic read mad, speed happy, crazy, graffitied rickshaws, taxis, buses and motorcyclists who were forced to brake, holler and shake their fists in mid air in order to startle me from my reverie.
Today years later I happened to be walking to the supermarket with my dad and just as we approached the busy street and waited to cross Papa immediately clasped my hand firmly and guided me across the street all the while chatting nonchalantly about this and that and didn’t let go until we were safely on the sidewalk.
The fact that my incredibly busy and seemingly unassuming father took note of and remembered this habit of mine years later made me feel ridiculously happy , incredibly touched and left me a wee bit misty eyed which I attempted to cover under the age old got a speck of dust in my eye alibi.
I as a daughter may or may not remember his quirks and oddities but I hope as a parent I will be as mindful of my kids as my parents are of me 💕💗💖💓❤️.